Imagine for a minute that you’re a chocolate lab puppy, 7 weeks old and there are these strange people that start visiting you and talking money with your birth parents. Then, a strange accent cascades down on your cute, floppy ears. Seems Russian. The woman sounds very sweet, caring. Of course you want her to take you home. She’s playing with your brother Shorty.
Ahh, but Shorty takes a leak on her foot and suddenly you’re the last male to choose. Jackpot. Meet your new mommy.
Tell us there’s a luckier dog in the world. Test us. Can you imagine this dog licking his balls, he looks up and there’s Anna Kournikova walking around her Miami pad completely naked. Imagine that! Don’t think for a second these dogs don’t brag at the dog park.
“Yeah, fellas, sniff my ass. It camps out on Egyptian sheets and hangs at ARod’s house. Get a good whiff.”
Howitzer could have ended up with some cocaine snorting fat pig Columbian owning him and living in some shitty pink condo on South Beach.
Instead, little dude is cruising around the inner coastal with Anna snuggling. This lucky bastard better be praying – HARD – over ever single organic biscuit he woofs down over the next 11-13 years.