Thanks to Facebook we can put a sports angle on this story that’s been driving us crazy all morning. You see, Joseph Bartorillo is a Steelers fan. He also must of hated his female coworkers at Proctor & Gamble in NE Pennsylvania. One thing led to another – over 20 months – and Joe was injecting his semen into yogurt cups eventually eaten by those female coworkers. Yeah, the story of how this all went down is quite disturbing.
The local news media actually beat The Smoking Gun to this story:
Bartorillo is accused of injecting his semen into yogurts of two workers over the course of 20 months, Mitchell said.
“The victims began to notice something was wrong with their yogurts — there were pin marks and a smell,” Mitchell explained. “We had to take the yogurts to the lab and the lab determined it was human semen and then we had to determine whose it was.”
Mitchell said he had “no information as to a motive.”
The district attorney stressed that no Proctor and Gamble products were contaminated.
So how exactly does P&G determine the root of that semen? We hear you have to provide a jizz sample before working there. Sorta like the urine test. It’s the evolution of HR. They’re currently teaching such techniques at Penn State, according to our sources.
Neither Mitchell or Fried would say how Bartorillo was caught.
Court documents filed in the case indicate Bartorillo reached a plea deal with prosecutors that calls for a two-year federal prison sentence.
How sad is this Bartorillo character? He only has two friends on Facebook (‘Likes’ Polamalu & Big Ben). That’s it. Dude is 60, friendless and blasting semen into yogurt. Seems like a trick you play on your buddies, not coworkers. And so not worth two years in the state pen.