Whiteys Guide To Buying NFL Scalper Tickets From Black Dudes [Cuff 'Em]
Look, whiteys, are you really this stupid? Like, so stupid towards buying football tickets that you forgo buying tickets with StubHub and decide to make deals with some bro standing on a Charlotte street corner? Your dumbass deserves to be ripped off because you should never trust a black dude with what looks to be a throat tat. NEVER! Should police be hauling Walter Sledge to jail?
No, he should be doing public service announcements. “You white people so dumb.”
So this is what happens when Cam Newton comes to town and starts laser beaming NFL defenses. Scalpers sense white people are coming out in droves and they fire up the fake ticket machine.
“For the average fan they were very difficult, I looked at them and I couldn’t tell the difference”, said investigator Kevin Jones.
Police arrested 24 year old Walter Sledge and charged him with false pretense. Officers don’t know how many people got ripped off because they suspect that most victims didn’t report the fraud.
Burke knows he was not alone. He tells NewsChannel 36, “A lot of us would write it off as a loss. It was probably 75 (to) 100 (people) riding back on the Lynx mad and upset. You saw a lot of people walking away from the stadium after 1 o clock”.
Listen up, white people, we’re going to give you a rulebook for buying NFL/NCAA/MLB World Series tickets:
• If the guy is black, with throat tat, keep walking
• If the guy is white, has his little boy with him and they’re both wearing Mark Sanchez jerseys, you’re cleared to do business
• If the guy is wearing a plain white Hanes t-shirt, keep walking
• If the guy is wearing penny loafers and his wife looks to be 58+, you’re cleared to do business
• If the guy is on a cellphone and uses words like 5-0, fuzz, heat, escape route, etc., keep walking
• If the guy is 6′ 2″, white, shaved within the last 8 hours and doesn’t smell like piss, you’re cleared to do business
• If the guy is holding an ‘I Need Tickets’ sign, is riding a bike, using a pre-paid cellphone and calls you homey, keep walking