This shall serve as our final report from Tallahasee where Florida State fans from far and wide hauled their asses to town for the Oklahoma game. Did you realize the nearest airport with decent flights is Jacksonville – 175 miles away? Did you realize Tallahassee in September is the hottest place on the planet. Easily 115 degrees with the humidity. Did you realize this means women wear as little as possible?
What’s the first thing you notice about Tallahassee after pulling into town? This isn’t the SEC where Tuscaloosa can be classed up by the out-of-towners. It’s not Oxford, Mississippi where all the lawyers and doctors from Dallas hang at a Southern bourbon drinker paradise.
Tallahassee is redneck. Trucks are jacked up. Chevy Brougham’s are on 24s and even 26s. Hotels along I-10 are flop houses for those who’ve been foreclosed on. Look at a map, this is the boondocks. Roads to nowhere to the south. Dumpy Georgia to the north. National forest and fire dangers to the east. Maybe it’s just us, but Tallahassee isn’t exactly the place you settle down. Sure, the state government is based here, but that’s about it.
With that said, seven football games a year become a logical reason to party – hard. Liquor stores here aren’t what you’d find in Ann Arbor. Not a Trader Joes in sight. Kegs are as common as 30-packs.
When told that BC/Coed was on yet another road trip across this country to partake in tailgating/football festivities, the question most asked was, “How do we compare to all those other schools?”
Listen, Tallahassee, you’ve proven yourselves. Top 5 Saturday party school? Not even a question.
Highlights of 2011 FSU-Oklahoma:
• Indian Village Student Housing: should have its own zip code and liquor store. Do yourself a favor – find it, walk through, stop and turn in a 360-degree circle. Breath the Natty Light air. Tell your grandkids what this place was like back in the day.
• Liquor laws – easily the most relaxed of anywhere in the nation.
• Potbelly’s – How exactly does a bar take 4-5 houses and combine them into one of the best college bars in the nation? See it here.
• Boiled peanuts – get ‘em at the Doak. When you break ‘em, the water sprays those in front of you. It’s so much fun.
• What’s up with no restrooms for the 300-level at the Doak?
• Doak Campbell is like the Wrigley Field of southern football stadiums. Those steal beams will take you back to old MLB ballparks.
• Chief Osceola galloping on Renegade to slam his spear into the 50-yard-line is one of those moments that brings chills to an outsider. Get to your seat early. Don’t miss it.
Highlights of those Florida State Girls:
• Do they bus them in from Tampa? Where do they come from? It’s a mystery.
• Thinking of starting a professional Jorts manufacturing facility in Tallahassee
• Surprisingly, most of them can hold their liquor. Trained assassins. It’s unreal.
• Listen, ladies, someone is going to have their heart broken when they can’t land a sideline reporting job. So many of you, so few jobs.