Florida Bro Goes On Extreme $820 Shoplifting Spree [Cuff 'Em]

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Meet Michael Wibby, a Florida resident who went on an extreme shoplifting spree at a Winn-Dixie this week. According to cops, Wibby just wheeled the goods out the store and into a waiting Nissan. He threw the meat, beer, champagne and toilet paper into the trunk and took off. Eventually the fuzz caught up to homeboy and popped the trunk. Dude was going to throw one helluva party. Without coupons, the theft was calculated to be $820.20. A felony! 

Here are the highlights of the spree, according to Off The Beat blogger Will Greenlee:

The $500 in meat included beef spare ribs, New York strip, bacon, porterhouse, oxtails, T-bones and pork loin roasts, while three 18 packs of Heineken and five bottles of Moet & Chandon Imperial champagne rounded out the libations.

We’ve done our proper background research on this yahoo and, yes, he has a Facebook account where he plays Mafia Wars and Farmville. Look, here’s our best guess about this 1991 high school graduate. Good chance he’s out of work, hasn’t been eating real well and 90% chance there is a drug problem. The meat and champagne was going to be sold off for meth. The beer was going home for a bash. Bacon for the morning after and toilet paper just because he was out.

Good job, Florida. Once again you’ve stolen Ohio’s thunder. Some guy rammed an adult store the other night with his semi to steal a rubber vagina. It was only valued at $800.

[Hobe Sound man jailed in booze, meat, toilet paper caper]

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