5 Onion-esque Screencaps Of Lorenzo Neal’s Fresno DUI Arrest [Cuff 'Em]

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This will go down as the greatest Cuff ‘em television news reports we’ve ever seen. Ever. No contest. Last night in Fresno, California the local ABC affiliate led its newscast with news of Lorenzo Neal’s July 4th DUI bust. The population of Fresno, according to Wikipedia, is 500,000+. Yes, we’d assume there would be bigger fish to fry. But…ABC went balls to the walls and created this piece of journalism history. It’s 2:25 of chewy goodness & a Pirates cap!

Normally we’d just post the arrest story video and be done with this post. Not today. It’s screencappin’ time.

The backstory from ABC 30:

A potential NFL Hall of Famer is in trouble with the law after a 4th of July accident on a Fresno County road.

Lorenzo Neal was one of more than 100 people arrested by CHP officers for DUI in Fresno County over the holiday weekend.

Action News talked to some of Neal’s friends Tuesday. They say he’s taking responsibility for doing something stupid, and he’s mainly happy nobody got hurt.

From a distance, it’s hard to see any damage on Lorenzo Neal’s truck as it sat in the lot of a tow truck company. But a closer inspection revealed a couple dents and some broken plastic on the Ford F150.

California Highway Patrol officers say the damage happened as Neal tried to turn right from Copper onto Minnewawa — an intersection where officers say a lot of drivers have missed the turn.

Now for the bullet points on this crazy report:

• 6pm lead story

• “It’s a story you’ll only see on ABC 30″

• The reporter’s name: Corin Hoggard

• Visiting the car impound and Corin pointing out the dents on Lorenzo’s bumper

• CHP officer says hitting the pole: “Nothing real major about it.”

• Lorenzo held a press conference?

• The officers revisit the scene for ABC 30 as if this is a movie set

• The witnesses! Are there better witnesses in sports arrest story history? No.

• Pirates baseball cap, tats, mustache, American flag bandana

[Football Star Lorenzo Neal busted for DUI - ABC 30]

 

 

 

 

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