The British are pretty much useless, especially when it comes to sports. Hell, they invented soccer and they’re not even any good at that anymore. So what do they do? Invent a sport that’s so idiotic no one else will want to play, enabling British rule once again… in something.
Enter toe wrestling, a competition invented in a bar in Wetton in 1976 for the purpose I just mentioned — to establish the British as the best at something.
Ironically, they couldn’t even do that right. The first championship was won by a Canadian.
Anyway, things have been looking up for the Brits since the inaugural exercise in idiocy. They’ve won most every event since then, with recent championships being dominated by either Alan “Nasty” Nash or Paul “Toeminator” Beech, who has since changed his name to Paul “Predatoe” Beech.
Must be a big Schwarzenegger fan.
The name change must have worked because Predatoe came away the big winner at this year’s World Toe-Wrestling Championship, which was held in Derbyshire last weekend. On the women’s side — yes, this “sport” isn’t just for drunken soccer hooligans — Lisa “twinkle toes” Shenton was the winner.
They’re both British.
So congratulations on… something, Britain.
Check the video below see all of this awesomeness in action.