Listen up, Canadian football drunks.
As a result of several minor injuries at last Friday’s home game against the Toronto Argonauts, the Canadian Football League organization has issued a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to fan behaviour at Blue Bombers games.
Last week, the fans of Section S in Canad Inns Stadium created what is known as a beer snake — hundreds or maybe even thousands of empty beer cups stacked together to form a line that covered nearly the entire section, reaching into the upper level.
The injuries were suffered when the beer snake fell apart near the end of the game, showering many of the fans not involved. Fans also threw beer cups, hitting some fans and spilling their contents on others.
So people were injured by cups hitting them? Someone get Samuel L. Jackson and let’s make a movie.
Jets game. Preferably late September when New Jersey is still quite balmy and capable of creating extreme thirstiness. Sam is trying to enjoy a game between his Jets and preferably the Patriots. Jets fan is sauced up and starts building a beer snake. Jackson’s line of sight from his loge seats starts to be obstructed by $9 empties.
We’re not sure how to work in some action scenes where the snake comes to life and starts choking out little kids wearing Mark Sanchez jerseys, but it’s in there somewhere.
Jackson, originally pissed off by losing site of Braylon Edwards in the end zone, turns hero by taking on beer snake with his bare hands.
“Enough is enough. I’ve had enough of these motherfuckin’ beer snakes blocking my end zone view. Everybody put down your foam fingers. I’m about to open some fuckin’ windows.”
Yeah, it’s a thriller that we’re thinking of pitching to ESPN to produce when they decide to get a little edgy.