Pick Six: Stare At Texas State Senior Vanessa And Take Notre Dame, Steelers And Iowa Plus The Points

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You have no idea how many “Check Out My Gambling Picks” emails get through our email spam filter. Some retard in Muncie, Indiana thinks he’s the next Jimmy “The Greek” and blasts us with ‘can’t misses.’

While we appreciate the enthusiasm of these gambling gurus, the links never include poon. Enter Busted Coverage Special Assignment Editor Art McGregor’s new series – Pick Six.

Ugh.

I’m not talking about you, Vanessa. Don’t worry, sweetie.

You see, I took two bad beats this past week and have very little chance of getting back to .500 this season.

The highlight of Monday night game during “Gossip Girl” when Dan THE MAN, Vanessa and Olivia had a threesome. And by “Monday night” I mean 2009.

I took it upon myself to find a college girl named Vanessa I’d like to have a threesome with.

Everyone, meet Texas State senior Vanessa.

LAST WEEK: 2-4 OVERALL: 24-35-1

ILLINOIS -5 over Northwestern (noon, ESPN Classic)
The Illini are rolling and no this isn’t 2005 and no this isn’t basketball. By the way, the Big 10 is the nation’s best conference in basketball this year. And fifth best in football!

Iowa +17 over OHIO STATE (3:30 p.m., ABC)
I talked to a buddy today about taking this game in a 14-point, four-team teaser. I said, “I love Iowa plus-31 because there’s no way Ohio State scores 31 points.” We also agreed that porn with condoms is “unwatchable.”

Notre Dame +6.5 over PITTSBURGH (8 p.m., ABC)
I can’t wait to be chilling at The Varsity Club at kickoff of this game with two red cans of Bud Light and a red rose between my teeth.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS -7 over Cincinnati Bengals (1 p.m., CBS)
As a kid, we’d always turn the radio on when the Steelers were losing late just to hear (the late) Myron Cope whining and crying on KDKA. I miss that.

Kansas City Chiefs +1.5 over OAKLAND RAIDERS (4:05 p.m., CBS)
You need a reason to watch!

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS -2.5 over New England Patriots (8:20 p.m., NBC)
Your reward next year for making the Super Bowl is a trip to fabulous Indianapolis! What will the geniuses think of next? Making the MLB All-Star Game count for homefield advantage in the World Series?!?

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