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NBA Draft ’09: Emily Left Auburn To Turn Pro In Bikini Modeling, Men Fail To Complain

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Emily gave up her sorority eligibility for bikinis and cameras.

This is the first part of our NBA Draft coverage.

We kick it off with a piece on turning pro early. In a 3 bed, 2 bath house out in America there is some pasty white guy who has a horrible desk job, a mortgage he’s about to default on and three kids shitting in diapers, complaining about all these underclassmen entering the draft.

Would he complain if sorority girl left college for professional career in bikini modeling?

From: The Desk of BC Special Assignment Editor Art McGregor

RE: Nobody seems to bitch and moan when a hot chick leaves college to pursue modeling like when a college basketball player enters NBA Draft.

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“They let these tennis kids and those ice skaters turn pro whenever they want,” the guy who wants you to know how much he knows about sports says, “why isn’t it the same for everyone?”

Easy answer. Most easily said through a complicated essay on hot chicks. Follow along. Or just look at the pictures.

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Auburn University welcomed Emily onto its campus as a freshman in the fall of 2005. She proceeded to do the Auburn girl things for about two years. I’m not sure what those are but she probably went to football games and watched “Sex and the City” with girls in her dorm.

She became a sorority sister with the girls in Phi Mu (Alpha Mu chapter). That’s why J Koot pays me the larger dollars. I put in the research. Fuckin’ would have loved to have put an “AUBURN, Ala. -” dateline on this baby. Just sayin’.

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Em left school somewhere near her junior year to pursue a career in modeling. She went to L.A. Maybe because it’s the place where girls do that type of thing. Maybe it’s because L.A. is the inverse of Alabama’s postal abreviation “AL.” We don’t make assumptions.

I’ll go ahead and assume Emily made the right decision.

Phi Mu’s phormer phinest won’t ever work some BS marketing job where she brings in a tupperware container of salad that she gets to enjoy for 30 minutes every day on the days when she’s not running errands during her lunch break. She won’t ever wait more than 90 seconds for a drink at a bar. She likely won’t pay for 90 drinks total the rest of her life.

So what if she doesn’t “make it” as a world-renowned model? Girls don’t get much better looking than her. Still. Have you ever heard of her? How many Emilys are looking for success in Hollywood? (I didn’t say that just because Emily is a really popular name.)

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So what if she’s never heard of again beyond Los Angeles? Will it have a profound influence on the comforts her beauty will continue to bring her? If she hasn’t been on the show yet, what’s going to stop Emily from appearing on an upcoming episode of Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Did I just lose all Busted Coverage cred for admitting I watch that show? Yeah. I know. I lost it for mentioning I even watch Bravo.

Emily will continue to turn every male head in every bar or McDonald’s she enters. She even will do this after she marries a wealthy gentleman within the next five years.

This is not to say the peerlessly appealing cannot have a bad day or moment. Emotion is emotion. The hotties, yeah, they’re going to struggle from time to time. They’ll be hurt. They’ll be sad. And we really shouldn’t get mad. Shit happens. People get stressed.

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An example of how school and modeling will stress out even the best of ‘em.

It’s just. It’s just they bounce back quicker. When an attractive girl fails at something, what are the consequences? There are none. They are still hot. They still will get the benefit of the doubt in every situation life throws at them provided they stay hot.

How many times a week do you, Male Age 18-40, get the benefit of the doubt? Once out of 24?

The Model-ready Ladies should be allowed to “turn pro” (not “pro” as in prostitute … wait … now that I think of it … ) and pursue a career in whatever type of age-appropriate modeling they choose.

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You can’t say the same about the 18-year-old kid who has nothing. What happens when we fails? There’s always a level less than “nothing to lose.”

Or something. I don’t know. Just wanted an excuse to write about Emily.

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