From: The Desk Of Art McGregor, Busted Coverage Special Assignment Reporter
RE: Ranking The Mid-Majors: Part II Based On Hot Chicks
Really have a feeling this is the end of the line for these rankings until BC asks me to type out another set which I’ll probably end up doing next Friday.
The most enjoyable aspect during the past couple months are the e-mails from angry girls (any press is good press … except political commentator Bill Press) and reactions and observations from other underemployed males.
Chicks read blogs?
I particularly liked the notes from gentleman agreeing with my take on certain schools taking a dive in the rankings because girls at those schools have an overly affectionate relationship with the Jesus and faith.
Look, I don’t have a problem with Christianity or faith or whatever, I just prefer my “born-again” girls to be the ones with a new birthday on their fake ID made by a guy named Jesus who lives down on the corner in the crappy part of town right outside campus.
Long before I ever started ranking, I thought about purchasing an ID that would make me five years younger and allow me entrance into the various Teen Nights around Columbus.
While that didn’t work out, eight years later I’m objectifying women of the Mountain West, Sun Belt and Western Athletic Conference.
That’s any 21-year-old’s dream of the future.
What’s doing at San Diego State. Friends in lingerie.
Mountain West in one sentence: A nondescript Mid-Major with middling to average looking girls.
The leader in the clubhouse by about 14 shots: San Diego State
San Diego has the best weather in the United States. The end.
It’s not the cosmetology school down the street: UNLV
Just like Miami (Fla.), remember that the hot girls in Las Vegas don’t attend UNLV. Hotties, for sure, but it’s not a Top 40 university nationally in terms of women.
Upper-echelon of league but that’s not saying much: Colorado State, Utah
I’m almost positive some girls do actually attend these schools:Â New Mexico, Texas Christian
Sleeper School: Fresno State
Military school: Air Force
HBO’s “Big Love” ruined it for me: BYU
Sun Belt (Yeah, I had to look up if it was one word or two words)
Sun Belt in one sentence: Hot Florida and southern girls who like to party and could not gain admission into other schools … or ever use a word as big as “admission.”
Texas just has so many hot girls: North Texas
I had about 67 girls from my high school graduating class attend Youngstown State University. Sixty-four of them promised to “transfer to a bigger school after freshman year.” One did.
North Texas enjoys the opposite. Most of the hot girls from the Dallas area who go to school at Arizona State, Oklahoma or Texas Tech eventually transfer back to the school close to home.
Beach schools: FAU, FIU
I rank FAU slightly ahead of FIU because the school basically is on the beach in Fort Lauderale/Liquordale. It’s Spring Break University.
Jenny, right, attends San Diego State.
Jenny, again, in green.
Respectable: Louisiana-Lafayette, Louisiana-Monroe, Middle Tennessee State
Sorry, the school’s in Arkansas: Arkansas State
Western Athletic Conference
WAC in one sentence: Other than the Division I-A Independents, the worst in FBS football.
Kind of like a mini-Texas: Lousiana Tech
Girls minor in Mardi Gras and major in Looking To Party.
The chicks are less granola and more dirty here than in San Jose: Fresno State
There’s gotta be talent there: Hawaii
Silicon Valley (not enough silicon peaks): San Jose State
Ally became famous for being Titans cheerleader and Middle Tenn. State student.
Epitome of underwhelming: Boise State, Idaho, New Mexico State, Nevada
Utah State Division: Utah State
That will wrap up the FBS schools. Few things to keep in mind, Arizona has the best one-two punch but California, Florida and Texas all have the best quantity. I give Texas the nod over Florida in terms of best all-around talent in all schools.
We’ll all rest easier.