Villanova Grad Jackie Is The Jay Cutler Of Denver Lingerie League Football Franchise

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That headline is a little misleading.

Jackie is the Jay Cutler of the Denver Dream in the sense that she will be the team’s quarterback, minus the drama with the head coach.

Now, that isn’t to say there might not be drama in the Dream’s lockerroom, and, frankly, we hope to see every such moment including shower fights after tough losses.

And, of course, ass slapping after conference clinching victories.

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Here is what we can tell Denver residents about their new QB.

She used to be chunky. Got fit. A new pair of boobs. And married a guy that would kick our ass with his hands tied behind his back.

Jackie owns a personal training business, is a mom, doesn’t drink/smoke and has an adorable dog.

We also get a few tidbits from Metromix Denver‘s training camp report.

Responding to whether she could hang with competition she has seen on YouTube, (Jackie) Szvetits says, “Hell yeah! It’ll be competitive, but hell yes!”

Now, not to be dicks, but we’re not buying that she is 23. That is like Alfonso Soriano not aging during his Yankees career.

Not possible.

Other than that, we see no reason why Jackie can’t dominate this league. Opponents have to come into Denver and battle the altitude and her giant breasts as they look to dominate the LFL West Division.

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