What a Kansas chick will do for beads….after the jump.
From: The Desk Of Art McGregor, Busted Coverage Special Assignment Reporter
RE: Ranking The Big Ten Based On Hot Chicks (Part 4 of 6)
â€¢ Hottest Girls Of Big 12 Companion Post : Mandy and Birth Mark
â€¢ Hottest Of The Big Ten
â€¢ Hottest Of The ACC
â€¢ Hottest Of The Big East
I went to the 2005 National Championship at the Orange Bowl. USC beat Oklahoma 55-19. I paid $5 for my ticket and booed Ashlee Simpson at halftime. I remember thinking, “These Oklahoma fans don’t know Ashlee Simpson. They’re not booing her because she’s Ashlee Simpson. They are booing because she sounds terrible.”
I kind of wanted my $5 back.
There actually were more better looking Oklahoma fans than USC fans. This had something to do with OU having a 55,000 to 8,000 advantage in fans at the game.
Oklahoma returned to the Orange Bowl earlier this year and got beat by Florida. Maybe this is news to you. Maybe you didn’t watch. I think they played the game about five weeks after New Year’s Day.
These rankings confirm what Oklahoma proves on a nearly yearly basis.
The Big 12 can’t compete with the Pac 10 or the SEC.
That said, I still wouldn’t mind partying at six or seven of these schools.
You know the drill.
11. Iowa State and Kansas State
Art McGregor enters room. Cynical look drapes his face. Crinkles eyes.
(Sarcastic laugh before turning turning serious.) Joke’sÂ up.Â Really guys, it’sÂ gone on long enough. (Desperation in his voice.)Â When is someone going to come out and finally admit these “two”Â schools are actually the same university? (Anger)Â Has anybody ever seen these two in the same room at the same time? (Pause followed with confidence.)Â Didn’t think so.
Is there anything that differentiates the two? (Dismissive) Certainly not the girls.
A group of guys sits around having a few beers watching the early Friday night NBA game on ESPN talking about road trips that will never happen that they’d like to take the following fall.
Gentleman 1 (Sending a text messageÂ whileÂ not looking at anyone.): Dude, it’d probably be fun as shit to take a trip to aÂ Nebraska game. You know they take that shit so fuckin’ seriously! Plus, the chicks are probably dying to meet some average looking guys from Ohio. I mean, we talk to a girl for more than six minutes like once every 200 times we go out so you know we’re desirable and will definitely get some ass whenever we go on a road trip.
Gentleman 2 (Not really paying attention wondering if “The Soup” is recording on the DVR.): Yeah.
Gentleman 3 (Wondering if he’ll see that girl he hooked up with on New Year’s Eve .. in 2005.): What? Nebraska?! Dude, if we’re talking Big 12, there’s 1,000 different better places to go. I’m sure Nebraska girls are comparable to what we’re seeing daily here in Big 10 country, but they’re nothing to write home about.
Gentleman 4 (Playing with a pack a cigarettes, fidgeting with his denim Marc Jacobs jacket): You still write letters? Why?
While taking a long lunch at a chain restaurant sports bar during the first Thursday of the NCAA tournament, one guy asks for a salad “sans tomatoes.”
“What are Sands Tomatoes,” the waitress asks.
The other guy (the one who doesn’t order salads) places the odds at 50-to-1 that the waitress doesn’t have “drug paraphernalia” somewhere in her car.
Girls at Colorado pride themselves on smoking pot and being outdoorsy. And unless you’re an actress in a Michelob Ultra commercial, being outdoorsy usually doesn’t make you hot. Also, it’s unlikely any of the 14 pothead chicks that are really hot in the United States attend the University of Colorado.
A part-time blogger sits back during his full-time job and thinks about all the time he’s wasted in his life. He smiles.
I know a guy from South Dakota who played football at Wyoming. Both parts alone are stunning.
“You know what the second best place in America is for finding really hot, slutty, dumb chicks?”
I loved that he asked me this for two reasons. One, I wanted to know the place and two, there was a number one.
He said this proudly.
“Stephen F. Austin University. Those chicks are so dumb. It’s out in the middle of nowhere. It’s where all the dumb, slutty, hot chicks in Texas go. They all like to drink and fuck.”
After asking a million questions about No. 2, we find out Hattiesburg, Ms. takes home top honors.
Doesn’t Southern Miss play Baylor every Saturday in football? It just seems that way on ESPN’s Bottom Line when I’m looking for other scores.
Baylor probably has a lot of hot chicks, but it’s a small school and there’s so much competition in Texas.
Part-time blogger looks up the closest airport to Nacogdoches on Expedia.com.
7. Oklahoma State
Time for a Public Service Announcement.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they’re ranking the hottest girls at schools in BCS conferences and they reach a point where they become confused. There’s little rhyme or reason to the decision of placing schools ranked seventh through second in the Big 12. You must just trust your instincts. They’re what got you here. They are what will take you places. The more you know.
It is March Madness after all.
Girls at Kansas are cute. Girls at Kansas are naive. Attractive girls at Kansas actually attend college basketball games unlike students at 95 percent of other BCS schools. Girls at Kansas likely find joy and laughter in everything. This is good enough for the upper division of the Big 12.
5. Texas Tech
On the drive to Panama City Beach, Fla. for Spring Break.
Passenger seat guy: OK. Here’s the plan. Here’s the goal. The first night I am so going toÂ go home with two blondeÂ chicks named Haley and AshleyÂ from like Mississippi who both are wearing cowboy hats and cut-off jean shorts and have a confederate flag bedspread and country music is going to be playing the whole time.
Driver: Same thought, my man. One small tweak. My girls are going to be from Texas Tech. I don’t think Texas fought with the Confederacy but I’m more interested in the blonde, accent and cut-off jean shorts aspects.
The highlight of the week then comes when one of the two hook up with some fat chick from Central Michigan.
Guy who recently turned 30 but still tells girls he’s 25 reconsiders his choice of undergrad university.
(Bites lower lip and shakes head in disgust.) If I only would have known that tons of wealthy, hot, smart chicks that like to party went to school at Missouri, I really could have sold my parents on sending me there because of their “top-notch Journalism program.”
He knows they never will invent a time machine.
3. Texas A&M
College Station, or “C-STAT” as the yo-cals call it, is not in short supply of thin, tanned blonde-hair girls that hate the University of Texas with a passion. Hate is hot. These girls also look like all the hot girls you always see at country music concerts.
Realizes that’s all that need be said.
Just like Texas A&M girls but theyÂ don’t french kiss “Aggies” (whatever those are) after touchdowns. That’s good enough for a bonus point.Â Editorial note: The girls at Oklahoma couldn’t fare any worse than the Oklahoma boys football team in BCS bowl games.
That’s what you get if you’re a kicker at Texas.
More pissed than ever at that “no time machine” news.
I’m taking the week off before deciding whether the Pac 10 or SEC has more attractive girls.Â Unless something drastic happens on St. Patrick’s Day, I’ll be talking to you again on Friday, March 20.
Go get your Irish on.
(For more of Art McGregor’s greatness visit him at Blog On The Run where he’ll talk about getting drunk, failing with women and living the life of a man who usually strikes out.)