Remember our USF football player with the hot Bulls’ chicks?
From: The Desk Of Art McGregor, Busted Coverage Special Assignment Reporter
RE: Ranking The Big East Based On Hot Chicks (Part One of 6-Part BCS Series)
Busted Coverage came to me with an idea for ranking girls among schools BCS conferences. When I gave the editors a list that started 1. Connecticut, 2. Tennessee, 3. Stanford … they laughed in my face. (Through e-mail. Standard LOLs.)
Shamed, I gave them this list for girls amongst the Big East, easily the least attractive of the six BCSers.
I donâ€™t want to hear it.
Yeah, yeah. We know. You know this â€œsmokinâ€™ hot chick at [INSERT BIG EAST SCHOOL HERE] and seriously dude, like seriously, you are totally wrong in these rankings.â€
Iâ€™m not. And while Iâ€™m willing to hear arguments about the placement of schools No. 9 through No. 13, Iâ€™m spot-on everywhere else.
You know. Iâ€™m damn proud of myself for this list. Takes courage.
16. St. John’s
I’ve long contested (since January 2009) that the hot chicks – The El Caliente – on a whole, do not attend college basketball games. If you went to any BCS conference school (outside of maybe Duke, North Carolina and Kansas) and were able to objectify the “Top 100 Hottest Girls at Each School” (I’ve tried) you’d find maybe two or three of them at each respective school have attended one college basketball game this year.
I don’t count St. John’s in this list as they don’t have 100 attractive girls at the school. Does the university even admit women?
15.Â Notre Dame
Check out a teen movie from the 1980s. Let’s pick 1987. Go ahead and make sure the movie is set in the midwest. While you’re at it, make sure the film features an at-the-time leading lady. She’s the popular senior cheerleader. Now look at her less attractive friends in the movie. Girls at Notre Dame still look like those friends. Lost somewhere in that confusing-time-zone-switch thing in northwest Indiana, ND ladies never got the memo that 1990 happened.
South Bend’s finest routinely also are among the prohibitive favorites in the â€œmission to spend the most consecutive Saturday nights staying home and watching movies.â€
Actually, make that movie from 1980. I’m thinking “Ordinary People.” Same rules still apply.
If Billy Joel ever were to, in fact, look for the person who started the fire, he’d need not look to any Friar women.
Nothing against the Cheddar Heads. I respect the women in Madison. Most of those dimes are from Chicago anyway. Those surbanites aren’t going to Marquette. Lots of girls named Betty, Barbara and Susan in Milwaukee. I think Farmer’s Only [dot] com gets most of its traffic from marquette.edu servers. City folk just don’t get it.
12. Seton Hall
It’s not one of the bottom four Big East schools. You got that going for you! I don’t know what I’d do if I ever met someone who has attended Seton Hall. I probably wouldn’t remind them of Rumeal Robinson. Most of the girls at Seton Hall probably would remind me of Rumeal Robinson.
The basketball only schools in the Big East are all at the bottom of these standings. I’m still not convinced that Villanova and Seton Hall actually exist. I remember ESPN followed around some “Villanova” student before a game against Syracuse last year and she was a 5.8 with a tongue ring. The tongue ring added 2.4.
Cool. Really? You go to school in Chicago? That must be awesome. Well, look at you. Actually, we prefer not to.
Washington D.C. has a way of taking nerdy coeds and turning them into something respectable. And I’ve always been a fan of “St. Elmo’s Fire.”
It’s worth noting that every school in the bottom half of the Big East likely would be the last-place finisher in any other BCS conference and maybe even the MEAC.
The seven or eight attractive girls from the suburbs surrounding Pittsburgh usually go to Ohio University, Miami (Ohio) or Penn State. Pitt girls usually are fun and always are forgettable.
Arizona, Syracuse and Indiana lead the nation in hot Jewish women. It snows a lot. I have to imagine there’s a bit of cabin fever in upstate New York. Plus, Eric Devendorf’s probably the school’s sexiest male, so … Yeah, Art McGregor and BC could do some damage. On a personal note, I once briefly made out with a girl from Syracuse during Spring Break 2004 in Key West. I wanted answers. I asked her about Gerry McNamara (“he mostly stays in and studies”) and if Carmelo Anthony “likes the white girls?” She said, “he could go to just about any dorm and have his pick.”
My buddy Matt at UConn said, “Our girls are pretty good looking as a whole. The thing about UConn girls is that they are all average to above average, so there aren’t a lot of fugly girls but there aren’t a lot of supermodels either. It’s just a campus of mostly pleasant looking people.” Oh. So you mean they all look like the girls who eat lunch at bagel places like three times a week?
UC would rank No. 10 in the Big Ten (ahead of only Northwestern and Michigan). Then theyâ€™d have to name it the Big 12 and thatâ€™d be confusing. Especially for UC girls. â€œCounting to 12â€ is graduate-level class. A big school. Awful campus. Cincinnati has lots of semi-attractive girls from suburban Cincinnati and rural Ohio who scored around a 22 on their ACTs. Do you have a pulse? Chances are you’re hooking up at one of the campus bars. Weâ€™ll let you into the university too!
Never has a school with so much opportunity done so little in all areas. The big state school in a state the size of New Jersey and … youâ€™re consistently mediocre in football and girls and consistently awful in basketball?
Having to spend a few days and nights on this campus wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. While nowhere near as Belle-y as their southern counterparts, most L’ville girls think of themselves as Southern Belles. Translation? They are sluts.
2. West Virginia
Beats me as well. WVU flat-out recruits hot chicks that like to party. It’s a sleeper school. Morgantown’s a great town and I’m unsure where they bus these girls in from (affluent parts of Maryland and Virginia?) but most girls I know that say they go to West Virginia are 7.5′s and higher. Most of them probably really go to Marshall, however.
1. South Florida
The benefactors of geography. Pure and simple. While perhaps not even in the top five in the state of Florida, they rank first in the Big Least. While it’s never been reported that someone actually graduated from South Florida, all the fourth-year sophomore ladies at South Florida will become bartenders, strippers or television weather women. Or some hybrid of the three. None will ever own a hybrid.
Iâ€™m hoping BC gives me the ACC next week. The ACC is far closer to the No. 6 conference (Big East) than it is to the fourth-ranked conference (either the Big 10 or the Big 12).
Let me know what you think. Unless youâ€™re a female from one of the bottom eight schools in the league. Ha! Like chicks read blogs!