Art McGregor On Duke-UNC: Tar Heel Ladies > Ugliest Girls (Duke) At BCS Conference School

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This column was supposed to run yesterday but didn’t because BC’s ass wasn’t getting off the couch for anything other than Ginger Ale, Pepto Bismol or a toilet. Sorry to be so graphic. Point made.

So…it hasn’t been an ideal week, but we think you’ll enjoy the latest installment of Art McGregor on the state of affairs in college basketball which quickly segues into a small discussion on Duke women vs. Tar Heels in baby blue.

Oh, yeah, there was a basketball game but who even cares at this point in the year.

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Started listening to The Gaslight Anthem this week at the encouragement of a few friends. Looked into tour dates about 15 seconds into the second song on their “The ’59 Sound” album. My favorite tune is “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.” I wouldn’t know. I’ve never known a cowgirl. The song and following lyric remind me of my friends (all non-cowgirls) that now are married and boring:

“I heard they got married, might have had a couple babies, and traded their memories for Fairview and acres.”

Song leads me to a discussion of last night’s North Carolina-Duke game. According to my cell phone, Carolina leads 83-71 with 4:51 remaining. We’ll say they hold on.
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Duke Girl is the type who thinks her tits will fall off then bounce off the ground, grow legs (the tits) and kick her in her balls if she is not married by the time she turns 25. You also can include all girls at SEC schools outside LSU with the Dukies. Those Tigers are just crazy.

Men of Duke think the same thing as their less manly counterparts. Only the repeated ball kickings supposedly begin at 30.

A group of North Carolina women’s soccer players sat down next to me in the spring of 2005 at a hotel pool in Key West, Fla. They did so because I look harmless enough and another girl occupied the folding chair next to me. “It’s his girlfriend,” they thought, “this redhead won’t bother us.”

My sister then asked, “who are those girls?”

The soccer players seemed nice enough. They texted their boyfriends on the school’s lacrosse team. No one saw that coming. They talked about those same stick handlers. I wowed them with my knowledge of women’s soccer. They left after about two hours. They were OK. When I got home, I furiously scoured Facebook looking for the ladies. Never found them. Didn’t get last names. Vowed to never let that happen again. It hasn’t. (Girls have used fake last names, however.)

Thinking about the difference between Duke and North Carolina girls, I’m going to side with the Betty’s in baby blue. Most importantly and the only thing of importance, they are hotter. It doesn’t hurt the Lady Heels cause that Duke women challenge Northwestern girls and Michigan girls for the title of Ugliest Girls at a School in a BCS Conference. I’d have to imagine the women of Providence, Boston College and Stanford also are in the upper tier of that division.

Right before my power (and the game) went out at 10:27 p.m., I heard this discussion between noted David Cutcliffe supporter Mike Patrick and Dick Vitale.

“David Cutcliffe, who’s trying to revitalize Duke football and will, is here.” – Mike Patrick

“… I thought he got a raw deal at Mississippi.” – Dick Vitale

“He did.” – Mike Patrick

Meanwhile, Ole Miss beat Florida this year, beat Texas Tech in the Cotton Bowl and seems prime to challenge for the top spot in the SEC West in 2009. This is all done the year after the firing of David Cutcliffe. The current Duke coach finished a respectable 48-37 in Oxford but the Rebels are better off with giant slayer Houston Nutt.

Let’s make sure to hold Patrick to that prediction.
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Bob Stoops at the game? Bill Cowher? Charlie Rose? L.A. Lakers. Eat. Your. Hearts. Out.

For whatever reason, my DVR still works and I am now watching Tuesday night’s episode of “90210.” AnnaLynne McCord plays a sophomore in high school. Awesome starts with “A” and that’s the first letter in the alphabet but the previous statement doesn’t even begin to describe the awesomeness of that premise.

Hearing Naomi (McCord) tell Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) that she’d go after her on the Island of Lesbos takes much of the sting out of the power outage.

I never really got the Duke-North Carolina rivalry. Have the two schools really ever played a game that meant anything? That’s a tribute to the tradition of both schools. Rarely does either team need a win against the other.

Can’t say the same about any other big rivalry. Lakers-Celtics, Red Sox-Yankees, Ohio State-Michigan, Packers-Bears.

Hell, Ohio State and Michigan have played football six times (1995, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2006) in the past 13 years with a trip to the national title game on the line.

What are these Tobacco Road rivals playing for? Certainly not life-or-death. Duke won’t be a two seed with their loss tonight? Would North Carolina not be a sure bet to make the Elite 8 with a loss? I fail to see the significance of a regular season college basketball game. I do see its quality. I’m tuning in to watch every time Duke plays Carolina.

I’m not breaking new ground – I’m not pontificating on something as groundbreaking as a Naomi-Adrianna sexual escapade – but these are fun games to watch. Even if I have to do it hanging a gaslight pointed above my cell phone’s score updates.

They just won’t be writing anthems about regular season college basketball anytime soon. This “rivalry” included.

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