Accessories to the crime.
Hey, jerkoff, why not get a room for you and the sausage?
Imagine the surprise of a Santa Barbara City College softball player as she was retrieving books from her vehicle only to be in shock and awe as some dude was manhandling his meat in his car.
And that’s not even the best part of this wanking story. Dude had a whole car full of supplies to get his rocks off.
Paper towels, moisturizer and a “Barely Legal” pornography magazine were three pieces of the incriminating evidence police used to arrest a man for masturbating in a City College parking lot.
There is even more greatness from Harold Hall, who’ll now be known as Jizz. He told police the reason he was jerking it in a parking lot was because he had roommates.
Lame excuse, brah. Ever heard of 3:30 a.m. wake-up calls with a little Internet porn thrown in. It works and will keep you out of jail.
Kudos to the unnamed softball player for jotting down a license plate number and turning it into authorities.