Binghamton Basketball Player, Condom Stealing Jag-Off Doubles As Poet Laureate


Maybe you remember our buddy Malik Alvin at Binghamton University.

He’s the basketball player who is accused of trying to rip off a 36-pack of Magnum condoms from a Wal-Mart. Of course security was tracking him and went into foot chase mode as the 6-0 speedy guard tried to make a run for it.

In the following melee a 60-something lady was knocked to the ground as Alvin tried to escape with his rubbers. All of this is what police allege. Innocent until proven guilty.



Binghamton officials gave the school newspaper the usual spin when a known troublemaker is up to no good.

“The most important thing is Malik is embarrassed,” he said. “He’s been extremely cooperative with the department as well as law enforcement people and he regrets this in a way I don’t think anybody can know.”

“To get to know him, he’s a good kid who realizes he made a foolish mistake and he feels badly about it.”

That was 6 days ago.

Comments from Alvin posted on his Facebook since then:

– Malik is in a bad mode , I have all these moves I don’t be knowing which 1s to use fuck why god give me this handle …lol.

– Malik thinks girls are fucking crazy , the shit thet say and do.

– Malik girls are fucking crazy.

Before condom incident

Malik like “yes I think im the best and if I thought anything else I would be thinking less……r.I.p shaddy yamz , syheem.

Malik alvin is back and i just kill the whole court like an heart attack and now im an NBA prospect and it all got started at the olney rec, RIP SHADDY AND SYHEEM.

There are other works of poetic genius but we’re rushed for time right now.

By the way, to our knowledge, the Binghamton coach still stands by his guard and Alvin remains on the roster.

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