Creating The 6-Tool Sideline Reporter: Brains, Sports Knowledge, Looks, Interviewing Skills, Intangibles, Etc.
Once again there seems to be more debate over a fresh face on the television sports reporter circuit.
On Tuesday we introduced you to Melanie Collins, a fresh faced recent Penn State graduate who is now making coaches stutter during interviews and mesmerizing college football players.
The Big Ten Network seems to have cornered the hot chick market when it comes to reporters while ESPN leans towards the experienced, dare we say older, ladies.
But it takes a little bit of everything to form “Busted Coverage’s Ultimate Female Television Sports Reporter.”
To create the perfect sideline reporter we are breaking down the best in each of these categories: brains, sports knowledge, looks, interviewing skills and intangibles and etc.
Brains: Suzy Kolber
This chick can break down film with the best males in the world of football. You don’t get prime spots on ESPN talking sports such as the NFL without knowing your Xs and Os. If we could create the brain of our ultimate sideline reporter, she would be cloned with Suzy.
Sports Knowledge: Rachel Nichols
A woman doesn’t get a slot on E 60 without a huge database of sports knowledge. She is Jeremy Schaap in a woman’s body. This category is different from the Brains because this woman has to be well rounded. Rachel can rap about NBA basketball and be jetted into Foxboro to talk NFL in just hours. At this point when ESPN needs to send a woman into battle they turn to Rachel. That says something.
Looks: Melanie Collins
No contest. Hands down, Ms. Collins. She’s in her early 20s, hasn’t been corrupted by road pops (i.e. late night 23 oz. drafts at BW3), and looks really friggin’ good in a bikini. Take our word for it, we’ve researched this subject over many late-night sessions. Take this body and put Suzy’s brains together and you have a two-tool threat.
Middle, black and white stripes.
Interviewing Skills: Kristen Aldridge (ESPN)
If you’ve never seen this video of Kristen interviewing Vince Dooley, it’s worth your time. She gets boned by the legendary coach and the sexual innuendo flies. This chick interviews celebrities for a living and dabbles with campus videos for the World Wide Leader. With all this experience working with huge stars, just imagine the quality questions she could ask Lou Pinella.
Intangibles: Erin Andrews
She was the pioneer of this profession and knows the ropes. When building the ultimate sideline reporter, we want her connections. At 30, Ms. Andrews has been to war. Her experience combined with Suzy’s film breakdown and the young, hot body of Melanie, plus Kristen’s mic skills and we are really close to our 5-Tool Sideline Reporter.
Etc.: Carrie Milbank
This is a bastard child category. This tool is dedicated to a chick who wasn’t born with the golden spoon of reporting. She had to work for it. Start at the basement. Carrie Milbank is that woman. She had the looks, but little experience when she was discovered in 2003. 5 years later she is a household name on the hot sideline reporter circuit.
Taking Carrie’s determination and combining it with the rest of these skills would give the American male the greatest woman ever created.
She would know a Cover 2 defense, look hot in a bikini on a beach, want to watch ESPN Classic, be able to hold a conversation with Bob Feller, garner press passes for you and be determined to make a great post-game meal.
In our dreams…