Last season, this blog, then called Big T!n Tailgate, started its own national polling.
While all the other sports bloggers concentrate on BCS positioning, AP polls, etc., we were busy keeping track of the bustiest coaches in college football with our “Busted Coverage Fat Five Football Poll.”
Four weeks into the season we are prepared to release the standings in this battle of the bulge. Coaches are graded on length of game (shorter games equal quicker trips to post-game buffet), wins, losses and general stupidity from these man-can sporting, whistle blowing, cheeseburger eating behemoths.
Week 4 Busted Coverage Fat Five Poll:
1. Mangino: (38-14 W, 3-1)
The Jayhawk jelly-filled donut eating machine shoots straight to the top of the initial poll based on his record and his ever increasing waistline. Mangino refuses to lose an inch – off his belt – guaranteeing his place in the top two as long as his team keeps winning. Extra bonus points for kicking ass and getting this one over quickly. More buffet time, baby.
2. Ralph Friedgen (51-24 W, 3-1)
Our poster boy continues his fast start to the 2008 season. The Maryland Mauler feasted on appetizer Eastern Michigan but the big eatin’ came post game when Ralph likely went straight to the red meat. This guy once tried to lose weight and it proved futile. If he keeps winning we forsee those massive bowl game dinners waiting for him in December.
3. Charlie Weis (23-7 L, 2-1)
This asshole somehow gets out of the cellar based on that cupcake schedule. Michigan can barely put up a fight and as a result Chuck gets a little breathing room early in the season. Bonus points for the early season injury and blaming an intern for your issues. This guarantees his giant crack will be sitting around getting bigger by the day. Keep an eye on him in November. We see him headed back to the basement.
4. Tom Amstutz (55-54 L, 1-2)
This guy stays out of the basement based on his decision to go for 2 at home, in 2-OT against Fresno State. The guy was so friggin’ hungry he couldn’t help himself but end the game right there. One way or another he was headed to the post-game chow hall. This takes guts and has our attention.
5. Phil Fulmer (30-6 L, 1-2)
Oh boy, Vols’ fan isn’t very pleased with this quickly developing giant. He gains 5 pounds per day and his program is quickly falling apart. How bad does that loss to UCLA look now? He gets a few points for length of game but that burger with all the trimmings won’t taste very good after a home loss to Florida. We sense Phil could stick in the cellar pretty much the entire season.