New England Patriots Top 10 Off-Season Memories

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Randy practicing his stop-and-go routes at a Kentucky Derby party

What a week for the New England Patriots. An offensive lineman who won’t talk to media (you know the Pats tough guy act), didn’t mind rapping with the DEA in an attempt to save his ass from possible federal charges.

And he’s Canadian to boot.

But this isn’t the first ‘issue’ to arise this offseason for the Super Bowl bridesmaid. While Eli and the trophy rest quietly in NYC/NJ, all hell has broken loose in Boston.

Things are so crazy that we were able to make a Top 10 list out of the mess. So without further debate or discussion, here are the “Top 10 2008 New England Off-Season Memories.”

We smell a scrapbook party.

#10. Wes Welker at Derby with Super Bowl ring chick

This chick has made her rounds with the Patriots and somehow landed in Kentucky. Don Chavez was all over this story like TMZ chasing Romo-Simpson.

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#9. Kevin Faulk arrested at Lil Wayne show with four blunts

What’s a rap concert without Phillies? Word on the street is that Kaczur (see below) ratted on Faulk.

#8. Willie Andrews arrested for intent to deliver….pot

Our dope sources in Lowell say thanks to Kaczur, Andrews was pulled over by police and found with nearly $7k in dope. This Kaczur guy is a real snitch.

#7. Matt Walsh whispers bedtime stories in Goodell’s ear

Matt Walsh tried to bring down the NFL’s Evil Empire and failed miserably. Back to Hawaii, bro.

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Matt Walsh learned to be a little snitch from the team that produced Nick Kaczur

#6. Belichick checks out the Celtics receiving corps

This guy is tireless in his search for a diamond in the rough. Just look at how in awe he is of the talent the Boston Celtics’ dance team fielded during the team’s NBA Finals run.

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#5. Belichick shows off his new broad, better known as a cougar

The guy is a great talent evaluator. His monotone conversations must be awesome. “Sex. Now. My bed. Practice at 4. Scrimmage at 6. Full contact drills at 8.”

“Be ready.”

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#4. Nick Kaczur turns DEA informant

Look, even Berman would snicker at this dumbass. Even the ESPN anchor knows that you visit Montreal for drugs. The border patrol rarely gives a shit. Bring back all the 222s you like. They may not kill the pain like Oxy but you’ll be awake for days with that pain.

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“Me…DEA informant! Now that’s funny!”

#3. Randy Moss smacking that ass at the 2008 Kentucky Derby

This guy tried to act all civil last season. We weren’t fooled by him or any of the Patriots. They like ass just like any other straight male. It’s just that they aren’t very good not being photographed grinding on said ass. Like Randy cares. Back that ass up, now!

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#2. Tom’s steady chick, Gisele shows off thong on bike ride

We save the best for last. It’s impossible to have an off-season memories scrapbook without a Gisele spotting. Here she is on a normal bike ride with her thong hanging out for the world to see. BC was just happy that she practices safe biking by wearing a helmet.

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#1. Speaking of helmets….Bridget Moynahan speaks out about Tom and baby

The baby mama to Tom’s offspring came out this week to talk about raising Brady’s child.

I’m not sure anyone – and I could be wrong in this – grows up thinking, I want to be a single mom. When you’re suddenly pregnant and no one is standing by your side, even if you’re in your 30s, it’s a hard conversation. I’m a traditional girl, and I believe in marriage, and I just always thought that’s the way I’d be doing this.

Whaaahhh…. Tom has better things to do than hear your ass complain about being a mom. The stud has movie premieres and hair appointments to make. Deal with it.

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“Where’s my daddy?”

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