The 5 Uses For NBA Finals Beat LA Thong

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Busted Coverage Photo Editor Big Gay Rich is a huge Celtics fan and being the nice employer we are, it seemed like the perfect time to get him clothes for the NBA Finals.

An innocent search on Cafe Press turned up the greatest item for female (or gay) Celtics fan who has everything.

There are two versions of thongs available on the clothing site: the Beat LA or I Hate LA thong.

But that simply wouldn’t be a blog post so we tried to figure out what you could use the thong for after this 7-game series.

So without further discussion or debate, here are the 5 Uses For The NBA Finals “Beat LA Thong.

Use As A Slump Buster: 

Take a page out of the Jason Giambi playbook and wear this special Beat LA thong out to the bars and there is no way you won’t score. Pull your jeans down to reveal ‘Beat’ and men will beg you to finish the phrase. Even if you are fat, ugly and desperate, this will work. Trust us.

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Rob A Convenience Store: 

(For the woman who likes to do 5-10 in jail.) Wear the thong over your face to conceal your identity as you grab some cash from the local 7-11.

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Modified Money Clip: 

This takes some technical skill. Do a Google search for exact directions. Woman working stripper poles needed a place to stash the cash so being the engineering students they are, devised a way to turn the thong into a money clip. This comes in handy when you don’t want a dirty, sweaty truck driver touching your ass crack.

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Rally Towel:

The thong is going to get holes and become impractical for daily use. That is when any smart Celtics basketball fan turns the fabric into a rally towel. You’ll have guys drooling and wishing they would have bought their wives the I Hate LA version.

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A Redneck Bungee Cord 

And finally, we safe the best for last. For the biggin’ Celtics fan we suggest taking the Beat LA thong to the redneck games where you’ll amaze men with the thong’s ability to pull a beer cart.

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